The Scariest Movies.....EVER!

While engaging in viewing The Last Mimzy on TBS over the weekend, I started to reflect upon movies I've seen (some in my youth, others as an adult) that really scared the crap out of me!  The Last Mimzy wasn't scary, per se, but I believe it's a children's movie, and I have to admit, if I was a child, it would probably have frightened me. 

Move over The Hills Have Eyes and Paranormal Activity, take a step back Blair Witch..... THESE are the scariest movies ever (according to ME!)

Outbreak.  IT.COULD.HAPPEN!  For some godforsaken reason, this movies terrifies me to the core.  To my very being.  Yet, any time it's on, I insist on watching it in its entirety - albeit wrapped in a blanket like it's a cocoon (speaking of cocoons... see below).  There is nothing creepier then watching a very shaggy Patrick Dempsey step off a plane, sweating like a pig, and start spinning in circles while his girlfriend screems JIMBO!  Nothing more alarming then watching germs spread like wildfire throughout a movie theater.  Nothing as disturbing as watching people die as they bleed from their eyes.  I am NOT a fan of movies involving any diseases, plagues, etc. and this one definitely tops my list of one of the scariest!

Cocoon.  I saw this movie as a child.  I've never rewatched it.  My comprehension of this movie is very slanted and blurred, and I'm totally okay with that.  It was creepy.  Bad visual effects to say the least, but all I remember were these cocoon thingies at the bottom of a swimming pool.  And old people.  Super creepy.

The Wizard of Oz.  Never liked it.  It's scary...... munchkins, tin men, scarecrows, witches?  It's all just too much.  Tornados - storm cellars?  Auntie Em, Toto.... no thank you!  I don't know why this is such a cherished children's movie.  Gave me nightmares.  People melt.  Awful.

Return to Oz.  What made people think a movie like this was appropriate for children?  As if The Wizard of Oz wasn't bad enough, they "RETURN" to Oz.  Scared the crap out of me.  I watched this in school - must have been in 1st grade or so.  NOT APPROPRIATE.  I remember a part about an insane asylum.  I remember that the yellow brick road was destroyed.  And then..... the scariest things of all time - WHEELERS.  Odd rollerskating legs with Medusa-esque hair.  And then the part with the chick who would change her heads?  WTF were these people thinking? 

The Fly.  I blame my father for this one.  It was on TV when I was about 6 years old.  I have vivid memories of playing with my toy kitchen accessories on the couch with my dad while he watched this movie.  Of course my mom was out for the night - God knows she would never have allowed me to see this movie.  Dad; however, didn't think it bothered me, so he let me watch.  I remember watching this man morph into a fly like being after getting stuck into a weird machine with one.  I remember watching his ear fall off and what I can only describe as an egg yolk type thing come out of his mouth.  I HAD NIGHTMARES FOR MONTHS!  I would lay in my bed, wide awake, all the way down under the covers, sweating, but too scared to come up for air. You can imagine my dismay when I saw that this movie was showing on The Disney Channel.  Not family fun!  No no no! 

Child's Play.  I had a "Kid Sister" doll - she was "My Buddy's" female counterpart.  Chucky had a strange resemblance to My Buddy which was a very popular toy among my friends at that age.  Needless to say, Kid Sister found herself burried at the bottom of my closet shortly after seeing this movie.  I'm not sure why there were 341 sequels.... I guess people have a sick obsession with dolls. 

Resident Evil.  I don't DO zombies.  I don't do elevators and decapitations.  And I most certainly don't do wicked creepy British children who keep repeating, "Kill her, kill her now.  Kill her, kill her now," over and over again.  Oh, and I most certainly don't do Michelle Rodriguez.

Pulse.  Talk about a B movie from 1980-something.  I believe the Lawrence brothers (Joey and Matthew) were in this movie when they were very young which is the only reason I've ever seen it.  Apparently I had a weird crush thing on them when I was younger.  But, I digress.  From what I recall, the house the family lived in had some type of electrical problem and basically all their electrical appliances and such were trying to kill them.  I remember they had one of those creepy Felix the Cat clocks on the wall (the one where the tail goes back and forth and the eyes move) and at one point, the mom was in the shower and it locked her in and tried to scald her.  I showered with the bathroom door open for months in case I needed to call for help and wanted to make sure somebody in the house could hear me.

The Peanut Butter Solution.  I have saved the best for last.  There were times in my life when I honestly thought I had made this up or dreamed it somehow.  But I have discovered that it was in fact a children's movie.  Whoever made this movie (for kids) should be shot.  This kid goes into some house that burned down that homeless people died in and basically got scared to the point where his hair fell out.  Then he sees the ghosts of the people who died and they tell him how to make this peanut butter solution to put on his head to grow his hair back.  Of course, his hair won't stop growing, and his friend even uses some of the solution to put in his nether regions.  Then some wacked out art teacher kidnaps the kid and makes him eat yogurt so he can cut his hair and make some magic paintbrushes in this sweat shop he runs.  Blah blah blah, it was incredibly disturbing and haunted me for years.... especially since nobody I talk to seems to have any memory of this wacky movie.  But it exists.  Through the magic of the internet, I have come to find I am not alone in remembering this movie and thinking I dreamed it up.  You can watch it online.  DO IT.  I dare you.  You won't look at Skippy peanut butter the same ever again.