This is what I need to keep telling myself. I'm still a little emotional over Morgan. I drove past her vet yesterday when I was picking up my lunch (it's literally right down the street from my office) and I started to tear up..... wondering if her body was still there, if they've sent her out for cremation already, etc. I had a dream about her last night - not a bad dream. I dreamt that I went to her vet with one of her toys and told them I wanted to lay it in her box with her so she wouldn't be alone - and in my dream, I saw her - but it wasn't an upsetting dream. Every night when I close my eyes, I try to keep the image of her laying in pain and crying out of my mind, but it's hard.
We're leaving for California tomorrow. That stresses me out. I want to go - I want to get away and enjoy myself, but it's hard right now. We're flying JetBlue - and we haven't been given seat assignments yet - we get them when we check in. Which I am going to do exactly 24 hours ahead. It's a 6 and a half hour flight, so we better be sitting together! Not having my seat assignment scares the crap out of me.
Work is stressful. I was supposed to have gotten a new assistant December 1st, but that was put on hold, so I'm sort of in limbo. My old assistant was promoted a few months ago - and it's just been so hard without him. He sits right next to me now - but everything has changed. My new assistant is my boss's son, and it's just not working out the way I want it to, which is why we were going to switch things around. Of course, that gets put on hold when I plan to be out of the office for a week.
My old assistant went home to visit family in Connecticut for Christmas, and got stuck when they canceled the flights. He flies in tonight to Tampa and then has to drive down here - so he won't be in at all this week. He sent me a really nice e-mail though - basically telling me not to worry about things - that he'll take care of everything for me. He's the best. I was truly blessed to have gotten the chance to work with him for the past 4 years.
I haven't packed anything. I haven't even done laundry. I don't even know if I have a suitcase that will hold everything. I'm not even sure what I want to pack. Packing really makes me jumpy. I need to make a list.
I realized this morning that I am almost out of my makeup. My boyfriend has generously offered to stop by Sephora on his way home from work - granted I give him my makeup to take with him so he can hand it to someone and have them get him whatever it is I need. Thank God for that - the nearest Sephora is about 20 minutes away and I just don't have that kind of time to spare today.
I should be working - I have so much to catch up on, but no - I'm blogging. I just need to breathe. In, out, in, out, in, out. Trying not to stress out is really hard for me. I have to remember to call the hotels and the car rental place to confirm our reservations. I feel like there is so much to do.
Last night - around 11pm, I decided to pull down the Christmas tree and vacuum the whole house. What a mission. But it's done. I didn't get to sleep until after 1am, but it's done. I need to run to Target (again). I was debating whether I should buy Dramamine - not for the flight to California, but for the red eye back. I decided to buy it. I can never get comfortable to fall asleep on a plane, but since I'm going to come into work the morning I get back, I need to rest. I've only taken it once before - on a cruise - and not because of motion sickness - I took it because my friend got sea sick and took it and I was bored so I just wanted to fall asleep. It worked like a charm, so I'm hoping it will have the same effect on the plane. I didn't buy the Dramamine last night - so I'll have to run back tonight to get it.
It doesn't help that the weather report is still not looking so hot for our trip. It's supposed to be sunny in San Francisco the first day, but then rain, rain, rain, rain, rain. Fabulous! Just what I wanted to hear. But you know what - it's still a vacation, and I still need a break from my life, so it will be great no matter what. THAT is what I keep tellnig myself as I try to keep breathing!
Ahhhh - so much to do, so little time!
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Not the merriest of Christmases
Literally as I was finishing my Christmas Eve post, I get a phone call from my dad. They had just gotten home from the vet because Morgan - our almost 14 year old lab mix - had suffered a seizure. A little back story on Morgan.... she came to us in early 2007 as a teeny, tiny baby. I had grown up with 2 shih tzus. Both had passed away when I was young. My mother was so attached to them that my father swore up and down that we would never have another dog. It was just too much. For years, he kept true to his promise, until one night when he came home with little Morgan, in a shoe box. Some dogs someone knew of had puppies - the mom was a brown mutt and the dad was a pure bread chocolate lab, and the result was 8 little black-lab-looking babies. Morgan was one of the runts, and she was filled with worms. A lady my dad knew from work, dropped her off on his desk and much to our surprise, he came home with her.
Since day one, Morgan was a diva. She runs our family. She's the light of our lives, and she's spoiled rotten. She's had her share of ups and downs. For years, she's suffered from awful skin allergies - she used to visit a dog allergist for allergy shots twice a week. Not so long ago, she got really sick - to the point where my parents thought she might die. Somehow she had developed a liver infection and nobody could figure out where it had come from. Ever since that incident a few years back, she's never really been the same. Don't get me wrong, she's been healthy and happy, but it aged her.
Now that I don't live at home anymore, I've noticed the change, and it seems to have happened so quickly. Her bright eyes have lost their lustre - although for being almost 14, she's in pretty good shape. She can't hear as well, and she's definitely more clumsy. She'll slip or trip and fall down and it's painful to watch. I have such vivid memories of her running free in the back yard, leaping in the air to catch frisbees and balls.... digging huge trenches in the dirt..... and sunning herself in a warm patch of the grass. Those days have long since passed, and now she mostly rests. A few months back - early October, my parents got worried and thought she had suffered a stroke. Her head was tilting to one side, she couldn't eat, and she kept falling down. They took her to the vet where she was diagnosed as having Canine Vestibular Syndrome - aka Vertigo. Oddly enough, my dad suffers from Vertigo, and Morgan was perscribed the same medication as my dad. 2 weeks later, she she was back to her old self again - except for the slight head tilt that never went away (which apparently, is normal).
On Christmas Eve morning, while laying in bed, she had a seizure. She had never suffered a seizure before. Back to the vet. They were perscribed some additional medication to give her if it happened again, but were warned that if she had another seizure that lasted for 5 or more minutes, they would need to rush her to the emergency vet. Because she had no history of seizures, they basically ruled out epilepsy. She has had some fatty growths on her body that haven't caused her any trouble, so they ran bloodwork and did a body scan. Her bloodwork came back normal, and her scan showed no tumors or malignant lumps. Their only other option at this point, is an MRI. My parents have decided against it - they can't put Morgan under to run this test..... and for what? To find out that she has a brain tumor? She's too old to undergo surgery.
The last time I saw her was Christmas Eve night. We went over (minus Bailey) and she was walking around, stumbling every so often. She wasn't her usual self. She was more anxious than normal and kept backing herself into corners and behind furniture.
Yesterday morning - Christmas morning - as we were getting ready to head over - I got another phone call from my dad. They were at the emergency vet. Morgan had not suffered another seizure, but she could no longer stand up or eat. The emergency vet agreed to hold her and monitor her until Monday morning when her regular vet reopened to finish up the tests. There's nothing harder than knowing that your best friend is coming to the end of her journey on this earth. It's harder because she's a dog, and she can't tell you what's going on and at the end of the day, the decision lies with you.
We went over yesterday, went through the motions, opened presents - except for the 2 gift bags that are still sitting under my parents' Christmas tree for Morgan. As if that wasn't enough, my uncle's 6 year old Golden Retreiver got sick on Christmas Eve. He kept throwing up and couldn't settle down and get comfortable. On Christmas morning, they took him to their emergency vet, and he passed away a few minutes later. They think he had a stomach tumor that nobody knew about, and it had ruptured. So their family - my aunt, uncle, and 3 cousins, were all hysterical too. Worst.Christmas.Ever.
I'm really beginning to hate my phone..... this morning I was woken up by my mom who called to tell me that the vet said Morgan was stable and could come home. But if she did, they'd have to keep her confined to one room and not let her get up - as her back legs cannot support her. My mom desperately wants Morgan to come home, but my dad thinks she should stay there until Monday morning. They're keeping her sedated and he thinks it would be easier to pick her up while she's sedated and transport her to the other vet. If she comes home, she'll be hard to control. She's not an easy going dog, and we know she will try to run and jump and my dad worries that it would be too much for her to handle and doesn't want to put her under any undue stress.
It kills me to know that she's at the vet, all by herself, without any of her toys or anything to comfort her...... and as much as I want her to come home and be with us, I am leaning towards agreeing with my dad on this one. I do miss her - and I want her to come home and I want to take pictures with her and lay with her and comfort her..... it might be one of the last times we get to spend with her, but then I think that I'm being selfish and it might not be the best thing for HER. The last thing I want is to get her all wound up and have her end up hurting herself.
I'm crying as I type this because I know that decisions are going to have to be made sooner rather than later. It's selfish to keep her alive for our own personal reasons, and I know sometimes it's better to let them go, but it's just so hard. I leave in 5 days for our trip to California and Bailey is supposed to stay with my parents, and now I'm worried that if Morgan comes home it will be too much for them to handle. I'm so torn I am driving myself crazy.
Morgan's a fighter - she's lived almost 14 years (she'd be 14 on January 17th). She's a strong girl - she's fought back from numerous illnesses and setbacks over her lifetime. I know she's tired, but I don't know if she's ready to rest yet - and that kills me inside.
I know this has been a long, depressing post, but I'm sitting here, by myself, and I can't think of anything else.
Since day one, Morgan was a diva. She runs our family. She's the light of our lives, and she's spoiled rotten. She's had her share of ups and downs. For years, she's suffered from awful skin allergies - she used to visit a dog allergist for allergy shots twice a week. Not so long ago, she got really sick - to the point where my parents thought she might die. Somehow she had developed a liver infection and nobody could figure out where it had come from. Ever since that incident a few years back, she's never really been the same. Don't get me wrong, she's been healthy and happy, but it aged her.
Now that I don't live at home anymore, I've noticed the change, and it seems to have happened so quickly. Her bright eyes have lost their lustre - although for being almost 14, she's in pretty good shape. She can't hear as well, and she's definitely more clumsy. She'll slip or trip and fall down and it's painful to watch. I have such vivid memories of her running free in the back yard, leaping in the air to catch frisbees and balls.... digging huge trenches in the dirt..... and sunning herself in a warm patch of the grass. Those days have long since passed, and now she mostly rests. A few months back - early October, my parents got worried and thought she had suffered a stroke. Her head was tilting to one side, she couldn't eat, and she kept falling down. They took her to the vet where she was diagnosed as having Canine Vestibular Syndrome - aka Vertigo. Oddly enough, my dad suffers from Vertigo, and Morgan was perscribed the same medication as my dad. 2 weeks later, she she was back to her old self again - except for the slight head tilt that never went away (which apparently, is normal).
On Christmas Eve morning, while laying in bed, she had a seizure. She had never suffered a seizure before. Back to the vet. They were perscribed some additional medication to give her if it happened again, but were warned that if she had another seizure that lasted for 5 or more minutes, they would need to rush her to the emergency vet. Because she had no history of seizures, they basically ruled out epilepsy. She has had some fatty growths on her body that haven't caused her any trouble, so they ran bloodwork and did a body scan. Her bloodwork came back normal, and her scan showed no tumors or malignant lumps. Their only other option at this point, is an MRI. My parents have decided against it - they can't put Morgan under to run this test..... and for what? To find out that she has a brain tumor? She's too old to undergo surgery.
The last time I saw her was Christmas Eve night. We went over (minus Bailey) and she was walking around, stumbling every so often. She wasn't her usual self. She was more anxious than normal and kept backing herself into corners and behind furniture.
Yesterday morning - Christmas morning - as we were getting ready to head over - I got another phone call from my dad. They were at the emergency vet. Morgan had not suffered another seizure, but she could no longer stand up or eat. The emergency vet agreed to hold her and monitor her until Monday morning when her regular vet reopened to finish up the tests. There's nothing harder than knowing that your best friend is coming to the end of her journey on this earth. It's harder because she's a dog, and she can't tell you what's going on and at the end of the day, the decision lies with you.
We went over yesterday, went through the motions, opened presents - except for the 2 gift bags that are still sitting under my parents' Christmas tree for Morgan. As if that wasn't enough, my uncle's 6 year old Golden Retreiver got sick on Christmas Eve. He kept throwing up and couldn't settle down and get comfortable. On Christmas morning, they took him to their emergency vet, and he passed away a few minutes later. They think he had a stomach tumor that nobody knew about, and it had ruptured. So their family - my aunt, uncle, and 3 cousins, were all hysterical too. Worst.Christmas.Ever.
I'm really beginning to hate my phone..... this morning I was woken up by my mom who called to tell me that the vet said Morgan was stable and could come home. But if she did, they'd have to keep her confined to one room and not let her get up - as her back legs cannot support her. My mom desperately wants Morgan to come home, but my dad thinks she should stay there until Monday morning. They're keeping her sedated and he thinks it would be easier to pick her up while she's sedated and transport her to the other vet. If she comes home, she'll be hard to control. She's not an easy going dog, and we know she will try to run and jump and my dad worries that it would be too much for her to handle and doesn't want to put her under any undue stress.
It kills me to know that she's at the vet, all by herself, without any of her toys or anything to comfort her...... and as much as I want her to come home and be with us, I am leaning towards agreeing with my dad on this one. I do miss her - and I want her to come home and I want to take pictures with her and lay with her and comfort her..... it might be one of the last times we get to spend with her, but then I think that I'm being selfish and it might not be the best thing for HER. The last thing I want is to get her all wound up and have her end up hurting herself.
I'm crying as I type this because I know that decisions are going to have to be made sooner rather than later. It's selfish to keep her alive for our own personal reasons, and I know sometimes it's better to let them go, but it's just so hard. I leave in 5 days for our trip to California and Bailey is supposed to stay with my parents, and now I'm worried that if Morgan comes home it will be too much for them to handle. I'm so torn I am driving myself crazy.
Morgan's a fighter - she's lived almost 14 years (she'd be 14 on January 17th). She's a strong girl - she's fought back from numerous illnesses and setbacks over her lifetime. I know she's tired, but I don't know if she's ready to rest yet - and that kills me inside.
I know this has been a long, depressing post, but I'm sitting here, by myself, and I can't think of anything else.
Here's a little peek at Morgan's life so far. It's been a fun and beautiful journey, and I'm glad I was along for the ride!
This was the last picture taken of me and Morgan together - this past October.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas Eve
I finished the wrapping last night - my back is killing me! About halfway through I decided to bag everything else.... we have bags that have been collected over the years, and basically we just stick a new TO/FROM label over the old ones. Some are about 5 or 6 labels deep - that's how we roll! We just have to run out to grab a gift certificate to Brio today - then we're golden. My tree is slowly dying a limpy death - the branches are drooping, and ornaments are falling off. Good stuff!
For some reason this year I just wasn't into Christmas. Well, I know exactly why - because I'm too excited with our New Years trip to California (please stop raining). I usually go all out - I wrap the spiral staircase with garland and lights, I clean like a maniac to make sure everything sparkles...... not so much this year. The house is currently in a state of disarray, the stairs are NOT decked, and I have zero motivation to clean. Our tree is surounded by a hard core gate, so we don't even get the full effect this year. BUT, I am getting excited about going to my parents' house tomorrow to open presents. I love watching people open gifts. We got my dad a new laptop this year and concert tickets to see Andrea Bocelli, so I'm pretty excited about giving those to him tomorrow. THAT is what makes me love the holidays. It truly is better to give than to receive.
Merry Christmas Eve!
For some reason this year I just wasn't into Christmas. Well, I know exactly why - because I'm too excited with our New Years trip to California (please stop raining). I usually go all out - I wrap the spiral staircase with garland and lights, I clean like a maniac to make sure everything sparkles...... not so much this year. The house is currently in a state of disarray, the stairs are NOT decked, and I have zero motivation to clean. Our tree is surounded by a hard core gate, so we don't even get the full effect this year. BUT, I am getting excited about going to my parents' house tomorrow to open presents. I love watching people open gifts. We got my dad a new laptop this year and concert tickets to see Andrea Bocelli, so I'm pretty excited about giving those to him tomorrow. THAT is what makes me love the holidays. It truly is better to give than to receive.
Merry Christmas Eve!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Day 28 {of 30}
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Well, I've skipped a few days. To be honest, it was due mostly to the fact that I've been too lazy to plug in my external hard drive to find a picture from a year ago. In order to solve that dilema, I did what anybody else would do - I went to my facebook account, pulled up last year's Christmas pictures, and chose one of those. We just had our company holiday party yesterday, and this photo was taken at last year's holiday party - so it's literally almost exactly a year ago!
The blondie on my left is my friend Jen (the cilantro-plant-growing-whore). So - how have I changed since this picture was taken? Well physically, I was thinner a year ago and my hair was shorter and lighter. I was also tanner - thank you, L'Oreal Sublime Bronze. Besides the physical changes, I honestly don't think a lot else has changed. Emotionally and mentally, I'm basically the same. To tell you the truth, this past year has really flown by - I'm not sure where it went, and how it happened so fast!
This picture was taken yesterday - SURPRISE - at our holiday party. Jen and I again! And no, it has not escaped my attention that she is wearing the same red sweater and black necklace this year that she did last year. I'll be sure to advise her of that the next time we talk. :)
Well, I've skipped a few days. To be honest, it was due mostly to the fact that I've been too lazy to plug in my external hard drive to find a picture from a year ago. In order to solve that dilema, I did what anybody else would do - I went to my facebook account, pulled up last year's Christmas pictures, and chose one of those. We just had our company holiday party yesterday, and this photo was taken at last year's holiday party - so it's literally almost exactly a year ago!
This picture was taken yesterday - SURPRISE - at our holiday party. Jen and I again! And no, it has not escaped my attention that she is wearing the same red sweater and black necklace this year that she did last year. I'll be sure to advise her of that the next time we talk. :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Day 21 {of 30}
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Christmas decorations make me happy. We went to Home Depot the other night to get a tree.... got there at around 8:20pm - of course, there's a huge sign - the Chritmas Tree lot closes at 8pm. Naturally. So what do I do? I push open the gate and walk in and help myself to a tree. Literally, I grab the first tree I see, pay for it, strap it to the car, and we drive home. Only at home do I realize it's slightly crooked and missing some patches of branches. Not to mention completely flat on one side. Whatever - it's OUR tree! So we threw it up, let it fall for a day (which - not so much), and then I decorated it last night. I tried to use a lot of lights and a lot of "filler" to make it appear fuller. Whatever. We are also rocking a Superyard around it so Bailey doesn't do anything naughtly while she's home alone. Soooooo having said that - Christmas decorations (especially trees) make me happy:
Christmas decorations make me happy. We went to Home Depot the other night to get a tree.... got there at around 8:20pm - of course, there's a huge sign - the Chritmas Tree lot closes at 8pm. Naturally. So what do I do? I push open the gate and walk in and help myself to a tree. Literally, I grab the first tree I see, pay for it, strap it to the car, and we drive home. Only at home do I realize it's slightly crooked and missing some patches of branches. Not to mention completely flat on one side. Whatever - it's OUR tree! So we threw it up, let it fall for a day (which - not so much), and then I decorated it last night. I tried to use a lot of lights and a lot of "filler" to make it appear fuller. Whatever. We are also rocking a Superyard around it so Bailey doesn't do anything naughtly while she's home alone. Soooooo having said that - Christmas decorations (especially trees) make me happy:
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Day 11 {of 30}
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
I'm going back with these pictures..... way back. An old "friend" posted some pictures on Facebook from our middle school years, and they're just too funny not to share. I say "friend" because somewhere before high school graduation, we had a huge falling out which basically came down to a massive screaming fit in her front yard and a heated "discussion" which may or may not have resulted in someone running their car up on a median to scare the other one. (And it may or may not have been yours truly behind the wheel). Honestly, it's been so long - the memories start to get fuzzy.
Alas, we are Facebook "friends" now which just goes to show you - time heals all wounds and all that other nonsense. Without further ado:
On a completely unrelated note, I was absent yesterday because we went out to dinner last night with some peeps, and we stuck around after to watch the Christmas light show:
I'm going back with these pictures..... way back. An old "friend" posted some pictures on Facebook from our middle school years, and they're just too funny not to share. I say "friend" because somewhere before high school graduation, we had a huge falling out which basically came down to a massive screaming fit in her front yard and a heated "discussion" which may or may not have resulted in someone running their car up on a median to scare the other one. (And it may or may not have been yours truly behind the wheel). Honestly, it's been so long - the memories start to get fuzzy.
Alas, we are Facebook "friends" now which just goes to show you - time heals all wounds and all that other nonsense. Without further ado:
Monday, December 28, 2009
oh and P.S.
It finally happened, after months and months of restless nights and scouring the internet instead of doing work. THIS little puppy arrived on Christmas morning:
My wonderful, fantastic, amazing boyfriend bought it for me as a Christmas present, even though I insisted over and over and OVER again that I wanted to get it for myself...... We went to pick it up a few days before Christmas at Costco..... $699 and it came with the camera body, 2 lenses, a 4 GB memory card, and a camera bag - which was a surprise for me! Love it already!
So since he bought me the camera that I was going to treat myself to, I went ahead and picked up a Coach bag since a girl can NEVER have too many of those. It was an impulse decision - we were standing in line at the Coach Factory Outlet (a.k.a. Heaven on Earth!) to purchase his sister a Christmas gift, and I saw it and I just had to have it...... so I bought it! LOVE it!
I hope everyone else had a wonderful Christmas or whatever holiday you chose to celebrate - or not celebrate - whatever! Happy Festivus to all!
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