Just breathe.......

This is what I need to keep telling myself.  I'm still a little emotional over Morgan.  I drove past her vet yesterday when I was picking up my lunch (it's literally right down the street from my office) and I started to tear up..... wondering if her body was still there, if they've sent her out for cremation already, etc.  I had a dream about her last night - not a bad dream.  I dreamt that I went to her vet with one of her toys and told them I wanted to lay it in her box with her so she wouldn't be alone - and in my dream, I saw her -  but it wasn't an upsetting dream.  Every night when I close my eyes, I try to keep the image of her laying in pain and crying out of my mind, but it's hard. 

We're leaving for California tomorrow.  That stresses me out.  I want to go - I want to get away and enjoy myself, but it's hard right now.  We're flying JetBlue - and we haven't been given seat assignments yet - we get them when we check in.  Which I am going to do exactly 24 hours ahead.  It's a 6 and a half hour flight, so we better be sitting together!  Not having my seat assignment scares the crap out of me.

Work is stressful.  I was supposed to have gotten a new assistant December 1st, but that was put on hold, so I'm sort of in limbo.  My old assistant was promoted a few months ago - and it's just been so hard without him.  He sits right next to me now - but everything has changed.  My new assistant is my boss's son, and it's just not working out the way I want it to, which is why we were going to switch things around.  Of course, that gets put on hold when I plan to be out of the office for a week. 

My old assistant went home to visit family in Connecticut for Christmas, and got stuck when they canceled the flights.  He flies in tonight to Tampa and then has to drive down here - so he won't be in at all this week.  He sent me a really nice e-mail though - basically telling me not to worry about things - that he'll take care of everything for me.  He's the best.  I was truly blessed to have gotten the chance to work with him for the past 4 years. 

I haven't packed anything.  I haven't even done laundry.  I don't even know if I have a suitcase that will hold everything.  I'm not even sure what I want to pack.  Packing really makes me jumpy.  I need to make a list. 

I realized this morning that I am almost out of my makeup.  My boyfriend has generously offered to stop by Sephora on his way home from work - granted I give him my makeup to take with him so he can hand it to someone and have them get him whatever it is I need.  Thank God for that - the nearest Sephora is about 20 minutes away and I just don't have that kind of time to spare today. 

I should be working - I have so much to catch up on, but no - I'm blogging.  I just need to breathe.  In, out, in, out, in, out.  Trying not to stress out is really hard for me.  I have to remember to call the hotels and the car rental place to confirm our reservations.  I feel like there is so much to do. 

Last night - around 11pm, I decided to pull down the Christmas tree and vacuum the whole house.  What a mission.  But it's done.  I didn't get to sleep until after 1am, but it's done.  I need to run to Target (again).  I was debating whether I should buy Dramamine - not for the flight to California, but for the red eye back.  I decided to buy it.  I can never get comfortable to fall asleep on a plane, but since I'm going to come into work the morning I get back, I need to rest.  I've only taken it once before - on a cruise - and not because of motion sickness - I took it because my friend got sea sick and took it and I was bored so I just wanted to fall asleep.  It worked like a charm, so I'm hoping it will have the same effect on the plane.  I didn't buy the Dramamine last night - so I'll have to run back tonight to get it.

It doesn't help that the weather report is still not looking so hot for our trip.  It's supposed to be sunny in San Francisco the first day, but then rain, rain, rain, rain, rain.  Fabulous!  Just what I wanted to hear.  But you know what - it's still a vacation, and I still need a break from my life, so it will be great no matter what.  THAT is what I keep tellnig myself as I try to keep breathing! 

Ahhhh - so much to do, so little time!